


cook for me (if you can handle me)

by yoursongonmyheart



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 00:59:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5186186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoursongonmyheart/pseuds/yoursongonmyheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis tomlinson, much to his own despair, gets thrown into a four week cooking class taught by culinary student harry styles. pair that with his classmates zayn and niall who may or may not know his roommate liam, and you've got a recipe for fun. </p><p>aka, a wildly self-indulgent crack fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cook for me (if you can handle me)

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely self indulgent and absolutely a crack fic. This also was a challenge by Vicky, aka nooelgallagher on tumblr so this will also probably never happen again. Blame her. 
> 
> side note: i haven't written fanfiction since i was 16. so there's that.

"you didn't," louis gasped, feigning excitement. when his mother fell silent he tried again, "you didn't actually do that, did you mother?" 

his mother was unperturbed, "my boy is not living on take away and cereal in his first flat.  a real flat with a real job. it's a four week class louis. it will be over in no time." 

when louis’ mother called him saying ‘I have a housewarming gift for you boobear, check your email right now!’ louis imagined a vacation, a waffle iron, a life size spiderman statue, literally anything but four weeks of cooking lessons hosted at the local uni. his alma mater! honestly. who did his mother think he was? and why did she not drag liam into this too?

louis snorted and rolled his eyes, “But-”

“no buts lou, you are a teacher now. an actual adult! you need to eat like one.” 

“i’m hanging up mother, i love you,” louis peered at the front door opening, liam walking in with a box of takeaway and suspicious moon eyes. 

“love you boo bear, enjoy the class please. thursday is the first date!” his mother yelled out. 

“got it, love you!” louis clicked off the phone. “what is that?” liam whipped his head up from the take away box he placed on the kitchen counter. louis got up from the couch, making his way to the kitchen.

“it’s chinese,” liam had the barest of smiles on his face. 

“no no no, liam my boy,” louis walked up to liam haughtily, as liam started to cower into the chinese container hiding himself, “i’m talking about your face”

“there’s nothing on my face!” liam squawked. “it’s a normal face!”

“liam, you know better than this,” louis pulled the chinese take away container from liam and grabbed a fork out of the drawer, diving right in. “it’s a losing game you trying to hide boys from me. losing game.”

liam looked unimpressed, “you’re eating my chicken and broccoli.”

“too bad mate, maybe the boy at the chinese restaurant,” liam looked horrified, “so there is a boy at the chinese restaurant!”

“give me my chicken and broccoli,” liam demanded as louis held the chicken over his mouth, smirking, “louis, please.”

“no mate,” louis ate another piece of chicken much to liam’s wide doe eyes demise, “you know i can read the menu with the address. it’s right there. all i would need to do is go there right now. i bet he’s eating there still.” 

liam stood up tall and quirked an eyebrow, “just like you know that your mother forwards her emails to you to me as well, and i know about the cooking lessons. which also means that i know this is your last chinese meal for the next four weeks.”

louis stared at him, “you’re fucking with me.”

liam snatched the chicken and broccoli back from louis, “nope, in fact, she wrote in my email that i have to make sure that you go. thursday mate, you’re welcome.”

louis grabbed his own container of food, “i’m eating this on the fucking sofa. you better hope my hand doesn’t slip and i don’t spill it on your favorite blanket.”

“louis!”

 

\---

“i’m not going to this liam, i truly really am not,” louis put on his shoes and grabbed his coat, “i am not doing this.”

“you are going, don’t forget your keys,” liam threw louis his keys, “and i’m taking a snapchat of you leaving so i can send it to your mother,” louis threw liam’s shoe at his head, “you know she would actually kill you if you didn’t go. she’s paying for it. it’s your gift. our gift for our wonderful flat we now live in.”

“yes liam thank you so much for that. appreciate that. after a long day of teaching insufferable teenagers i get to come home to you, an insufferable boy.”

louis smiled to himself seeing liam’s clear despair, “see you later sweetie!” he slammed the door.

“stop slamming the door you fucker!”

\---

 

louis hadn’t stepped foot on the university campus for almost 2 years. after he graduated he nannied and subbed at any school that would hire him, living in a shitty two by four flat with liam. now liam had a steady job as a personal trainer and volunteer firefighter, honestly what the fuck liam, and louis finally landed a job at a private high school. he and liam were finally able to afford their (somewhat) posh london flat (it had a working heater/AC unit and constant running water) and louis could finally say he was a teacher, even though it had only been 2 months. they called him mr. tomlinson though, so it was official. 

walking into the class louis immediately took his seat next to the only other person in the room who looked just as unenthused as he did. i mean honestly, where did these cooking classrooms even come from. he didn’t even remember the school having a culinary program. 

“hey.” louis nodded at the blob of a human in the seat next to him, whose eyes peaked out when louis came into sitting distance. He grunted as some sort of a reply, and put his head back down.

“excuse him, he’s a little tired from, well, actually he’s always a little tired. probably shouldn’t stay up all night then sleep all day but. whatever,” a bottle blonde irish kid chimed in from behind louis, who turned and stared at him wildly, “‘m niall horan. that is zayn, my roommate. you a student too?”

his eyes were way too bright, and his personality was way too upbeat for louis after a long day of teens, “nope, i’m a teacher. my mom signed me up for the course. says i shouldn’t live on takeaway,” niall snorted, “what about you guys?”

“last year students. zayn’s in art and i’m in music and sound engineering. i like to support things around campus that go on. this is only four weeks and i fucking love to eat.”

zayn finally lifted his head, and oh god. he was objectively the most attractive person louis had ever seen in his life. cut cheek bones, just the right amount of facial hair, eyes that look like you could literally see all meaning of the universe in them. 

“i am literally only here because he made me be here.” zayn nodded in niall’s direction, “and four weeks won’t cut too much into work on my thesis.”

niall looked at zayn with a creepy grin, “zayn also-,” 

zayn cut him off immediately, “shut the fuck up.”

louis looked in between the two, niall’s shitty smile and zayn’s tinged red ears, “there’s a girl mate?”

zayn narrowed his eyes at louis, “boy this time, mate.”

louis laughed at zayn’s defensiveness, “always a boy isn’t there?”

it was at this moment that the door swung open, and a boy came floundering into the room.

“i’m so sorry i’m late,” louis didn’t even recognize the time or the fact that there were now 8 other students in the class, “i’m harry styles,” his voice, jesus christ his voice, “i’m a culinary student here and i’ll be teaching your class.” fuck. harry was long, so so very long with long legs, and long hair that fell on his broad shoulders, and the deepest voice louis has ever heard in his life. harry smiled, and dear god he had dimples, and those eyes! green eyes, so so green. 

harry put his things down on the table, “so i guess we will go around introducing ourselves first. maybe say one thing we want to learn about in the class.” harry stepped out from the table in the front of the room, giving louis full access to check him out. tight jeans, gold boots, honest to god gold boots, and a lavender sweater that fell across his shoulders so wonderfully. he looked like he came out of an ad for a hipster magazine. maybe he did some modeling on the side. his lips were to die for, so pink as he laughed at something someone said. and the curls, who wouldn’t love a boy with curls like that? louis wanted to run his fingers through them. really get in there, even the springy bits. 

“um,” harry’s eyes met his, “your name?”

louis coughed, everyone had their eyes on him while zayn coughed into his fist next to him. louis could hear the smile and the faint “always a boy bro”. he was mocking him. how dare he. 

louis turned on his charm, flitting his hair to the side, “i’m louis tomlinson. i am a teacher at Eastgate Prep. Me mum signed me up for this course because i’m apparently a shit cook, so my goal is to um,” god he was bricking it, but harry’s eyes were so light and so green, “not be a shit cook?”

harry giggled, and then coughed, “right, well.” harry clapped his hands together, “let’s hope everyone will be able to achieve their goals in this class. i’ll be asking everyone at the end of our four weeks whether they feel like they accomplished them. for now though, can everyone get with a partner and go to a cooking station?”

zayn turned to niall, who looked back at him from his already seated position at a station, “you’re on your own mate, i’m cooking here.  i can’t be held back by you.”

zayn turned to louis, “you in mate? or you going to go heart eyes for our teacher again?”

louis shoved zayn, because clearly they were already at that level, “shove off mate.”

“did you even hear anything niall said as his goals? shit was hilarious.”

louis stared at zayn and then scoffed, “of course i did, he talked about wanting to cook and eat at the same rate.”

niall’s laughter boomed from the station next to them, “only the first five minutes and you’re gone mate. but you’re not wrong. i’d love to be able to do that. maybe i’ll ask harry about it.”

louis narrowed his eyes at niall, “pretty chummy to be already calling him harry like that.” 

niall’s face was red from laughing so much, “put your claws away. you apparently missed the part where he and i lived on the same hall freshman year for the first semester. then he got moved to live with the cooking students.”

louis stared at him indignantly, “i’ve had enough of you mate, enough of you.”

“oi, harry.” niall called harry over from where he was currently checking on everyone’s station to make sure they all had the correct materials and recipes, and winked at louis, “is it okay if i work alone? don’t want these two to slow me down.” he threw a thumb in the direction of zayn and louis. 

louis was going to kill this niall kid before the end of the night. harry furrowed his brow at niall (it was by far the cutest thing louis had ever seen) and counted up everyone again, “hmm, i guess so. there’s an odd number of people in the class. are you sure you’re alright with working alone?” 

niall’s smile grew, “yep, but i can guarantee these two will need all the assistance they can get.” zayn’s shoulders were shaking from trying to hold in laughter so much, “zayn here almost burnt down the flat while trying to make cheese toastie once,” louis looked over to zayn in shock, “and i have a feeling that louis has probably done the same.” 

that is very true, “have you quite finished nail?”  louis glanced at harry to gauge his reaction, but he was close-lipped and his eyes darted away. niall laughed hysterically, “i’ll have you know that liam, my dear roommate, put the fire out himself.” zayn froze, and niall continued to laugh. harry was already walking away and returning with recipes to put on niall’s station and him and zayn’s station. 

“so we will start with breakfast this week. breakfast is pretty simple, and we’re going to make a three course breakfast meal. the recipe is on your stations. and i’ll set it up on the projection up here. we’re first working on following a simple recipe and getting into the routine of that. don’t forget to gather your ingredients first.” 

zayn and louis turned to each other at the same time, “so your roommate-” 

“humor works on everyone what is wrong with him?”

“what?” the both whispered at each other simultaneously, louis’ eyebrows high, zayn’s dark eyebrows amused. 

zayn began laughing, tongue peeking out between his teeth, “are you seriously questioning your sense of humor because a boy didn’t laugh at your joke?”

louis narrowed his eyes, “why are you asking about my roommate?”

zayn stood up a little straighter, “nevermind. oh look, your boy is putting his hair in a head,” zayn paused quirking his head to the side, “band?”

louis whipped his head around, eyeing where harry was tying his hair back with the most silky beautiful head scarf louis had ever seen. he wanted to buy him a closet full. “it’s a headscarf zayn. please be fashionable. and also laugh like i said something hilarious again.”

zayn snorted impolitely, “really trying to go the humor route then?” 

“i’m fucking hilarious. it’s probably my only good quality besides my undeniably fantastic ass.”

there was a cough behind louis. it was at that moment harry styles decided to come check in on their materials.

“um, so did you guys find everything you need?” harry’s eyes were intensely focused on zayn’s face, not once flickering over to louis. 

“sorry mate we’re still gathering. hey lou, could you grab a bowl from in that cabinet behind you?”

louis quirked an eyebrow at zayn but shrugged, turning around to grab a bowl. which so happened to be on the highest shelf. fucking zayn, a fucking traitor within minutes. 

louis could feel his shirt ride up as he reaching onto his tippy toes to grab the bowl, to which there was a squeak from behind him and suddenly harry styles was checking on niall’s materials and oh. fucking zayn. what an a+ friend. 

louis placed the bowl on the counter. “you’re a bit evil there mate. i like that,” louis smiled devilishly at zayn who just shrugged.

niall caught the exchange with wide eyes, “what the hell have you two planned? harry was red as a tomato when he came over here!” 

zayn put his hands up defensively, “not me dude!”

harry styles didn’t look at louis or zayn once the rest of class. nor did zayn or louis burn one thing. 

and if louis dropped his car keys on the way out purposefully just for harry, no one had to know. 

\-----

 

_louis mate !!!!! pints b4 or after class???????_

 

_niall horan uni student in my cooking class? how did you get my number?_

 

_mate !!! we all put our numbers on that email list just in case something happened !! were you that far up harry styles ass to notice !!!!_

 

louis squawked at his phone. “what are you doing louis. i really can not take your shit right now.”

 

louis was just grading papers. that is all. that liam is always attacking him. “why is that my dear liam?”

 

_pints after class !!! but only for a bit..  i actually have a proper job_

 

_HA ! just wear your going out clothes to class, really make styles drool_

 

“now there’s an idea,” louis mumbled to himself. 

“louis! stop mumbling and tell me what you are up to right now! and put a shirt on mate! i can’t look at your chest tattoo right now.”

“well fuck you liam. what do you have against chest tattoos?” louis rolled his eyes and didn’t move, “i was up to nothing, but since you’re so paranoid, i think i might just call and order some chinese take out for you. the boy goes there every week right? around this time?”

liam’s head popped up from behind the couch, “i will fucking murder you.”

\----

 

louis decided on his skinniest pair of jeans and an adidas jacket with nothing underneath. niall whistled when he came through the door. harry’s head whipped around from where he was crouched on the floor in the back finding ingredients, then turned back so quickly louis thought he got whiplash.

“a chest tattoo man? bringing out the big guns there,” zayn whistled lowly as he sat down in the chair next to him, niall in his usual spot behind them. “i got one myself too, only bring it out when i need it.”

louis stared at zayn quizzically, remembering liam’s sudden distaste for louis’ tattoo. “do you eat chinese food?” he blurted. 

zayn’s eyes widened and niall laughed hysterically. “every week we go to the take away place on victoria street,” niall’s accent was unbelievably thick, and louis thought he actually might cry of laughter. 

louis looked at zayn, who was staring resolutely at the floor, and then back at niall, eyes narrowed, “why is this one taking a class here?” he demanded of niall. 

zayn panicked, his hands flying over louis’ ears, “niall horan i will fucking slit your throat. i will delete every episode of the real housewives and top chef off of our dvr. i swear to god i will murder you.”

louis wiggled around trying to get out of zayn’s hold and grab onto niall, who was laughing so hard he was actually crying now, “tell me right now neil! tell me immediately!”

a throat being cleared loudly stopped the entire scene from playing out. “sorry to interrupt boys but we’re going to start class now,” harry styles stood at the front of the class, in yet another headscarf (a blue headscarf!!!!) with his legs still longer than ever. but this time he was wearing black heeled boots and a blouse. louis wanted to wreck him. and shower him with kisses.

louis licked his lips and adjusted his jacket, harry’s eyes followed the motion and then snapped up, “sorry mister styles.” he wasn’t sorry at all. 

harry closed his eyes as if to compose himself. zayn elbowed louis, as he smiled smugly. 

“today we’re going to go over lunch delicacies. once again we will be getting used to being in the kitchen, while also trying out some basic techniques. we’ll be using a knife more this week though, so I do want to go over some quick tips.” 

some quick tips involved harry hunching over so much that his shirt became sheer, his brow becoming concentrated and his lips being so bitten that louis thought he had a near god experience over slicing vegetables. 

harry pushed his hair back with the back of his hand (still holding the knife) and smiled at the room, dimples and all. louis didn’t whimper. niall just has a laughing condition for no reason. 

“so now there are a few recipes on your stations, all with some various cutting techniques i showed you just now. so let’s get up and cook!” harry clapped his hands together. louis and zayn stood up and walked to their stations were this week there were recipes just like last week, but this time they were more decorative. in fact, as louis looked around, they were all on a different color of the rainbow. how endearing. 

zayn began reading the ingredients aloud, having louis gather them all. “so the chinese food place on victoria street eh?”

zayn turned an uncomfortable shade of pink, “niall has an obsession and we go there weekly, yes.”

louis looked down at the recipe 

  1. _cut up the pepper as pictured below! no cutting off fingers please :)  
_



who was this harry styles boy/man? honestly. louis could not handle him. 

“so you know my roommate liam then yeah?” zayn began cutting the pepper a little too aggressively, “oi! oi! relax mate you’re going to take off a finger!”

“no removing of fingers!” harry styles piped up from across the room. 

zayn slowed his hands down a little, “i know of a liam, yes.”

louis looked back at niall’s station where everything was already chopped and ready to go, his stove on and ready, “niall what the fuck?”

niall quirked an eyebrow at zayn and louis, “it’s easy. you guys are slacking. if you want to eat, you have to cook fast and eat while you cook.” niall popped a pepper in his mouth, “also, zayn joined because he told me and i quote,” niall shifted his body in order to get into zayn’s character, wow that was fantastic, “i just want to cook for him so he never has to eat chinese take away ever again.” 

zayn threw a pepper at him.

 “no throwing peppers zayn!” harry chided. honestly why was he not visiting louis’ station yet.

“so this liam. the liam you speak of. does he vaguely look like a puppy? come in in gym clothes because he’s a personal trainer then woo you with the fact that he saves people's lives as well?” 

“yes!” niall shouted pointing at louis, “that’s him! ‘cept he barely talks when this one is around!” niall starts frying up various things, “well actually they both barely talk it’s more like making moon eyes and communicating like that and me gagging into my lo mein.”

him and niall understand each other on a spiritual level. zayn stoically cut up all of their vegetables and cheeses. “i’m going to kill you both. cut up the chicken louis.”

“yes sir,” louis saluted zayn. “did you know i’ve seen liam naked,” zayn choked on the pepper he had snuck into his mouth, “he’s proper hung. and he’s a physical trainer so, you know,”  louis moved to the other side of the station for more room, just as harry decided to check in on niall. what a perfect view. zayn was probably still choking. 

“honestly mate this is fantastic the fact that you were able to get all of this chopped and ready to go so quickly. i’m impressed.” louis scowled. he unzipped his jacket a little more, rolling up his sleeves and bending over to cut his chicken more aggressively. 

“it’s nothing mate, but i was thinking maybe if i changed the recipe a bit,” harry’s eyes lit up. niall horan was actually going to die at the hands of louis tomlinson.

“that’s a great idea!” he clapped his hands together delightedly. “i can’t wait to taste test it!”

“now it’s your turn to relax mate, you don’t need to cut the chicken that small. jesus christ are we toddlers having bite sized pieces?” zayn warned louis, who just moved onto another piece of chicken. 

suddenly there was a warm body behind louis, hand reaching out to ease louis’ aggressive cutting, “i think you’ve cut enough.” harry’s hand was almost on louis’ and he was so close it took all of louis’ self control not to push his back into harry’s chest. it was probably so smooth.  “why don’t we try whisking the eggs so we can bread the chicken?”

harry’s voice was so deep in his ear. louis turned his head and oh god harry’s face was right there, his eyes were so so so green, “how do you whisk?” louis whispered. 

zayn snorted loudly, making harry jump back. 

louis threw zayn a dirty look as harry grabbed the whisk, louis’ heart still racing, “um could you pass me two eggs zayn?” 

“sure mister styles,” zayn smiled widely winking at harry.  he was pure evil. an actual menace.

harry avoided all eye contact with louis, “so you just um take the whisk,” harry shoved the whisk in louis’ hand, their hands both entirely too sweaty for such a short exchange, “and then you stir. but keep a rapid pace.”

harry’s hand was still on his, “i’m quite good at keeping a good pace. ‘ve got good endurance.”

“perfect! good job!,” harry squeaked, removing his hand and body heat from louis quickly, “i have to go clean the ovens real quick. great work zayn, looks great!” harry rushed away only running into one chair on his way to the very first station on the other side of the room.

louis looked up at zayn unembarrassed, “i’ve heard liam has good endurance too. loud moaner as well.”

zayn scowled and threatened louis with the knife. zayn and liam were perfect for each other already. 

 

\-----

when louis got home that night he drunkenly crawled into liam’s bed instead. “zaynie and leeyum sitting in a tree f-u-c-k-i-n-g..” he was asleep before he even heard liam shoot up out of bed.

\-----

 

“how do you know zayn?” liam all but demanded as soon as louis walked through the door. he was sitting at the end of the table as if louis was his son who just came home proclaiming he got a girl pregnant. 

louis took off his shoes, “liam please stop shouting. teenagers shout at me all day and i have a bloody hangover.”

“i am not shouting louis. how do you know zayn?”

louis plopped down on the chair, head in his hands, “he’s in my cooking class with niall. i went out with them to the pub last night.”  
liam closed his eyes, rubbing his temples, “this is actually terrible. he shouldn’t know you until at least 5 months into our relationship.”

“you’re not even dating loam. make me tea please,” louis mumbled into the table.

“i have no chance now. it’s over, all of my chances are over,” liam was honestly shrieking and louis was going to kill him. zayn was pure evil and liam had all the chances in the world with him. liam should not think zayn is an angel that louis should not interact with. not when louis woke up to 47 text messages saying HOW DO YOU WHISK???

“i told him you were well endowed.” 

“louis!” liam screamed and stomped to his room slamming the door behind him.  he wished harry were there. harry would make him tea. he probably made the best tea. 

\------

 

_i put your number in liam’s phone_

 

_?!????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_i will kill you in the next class_

 

_you should text him he probably hasn’t even noticed it’s there. just like you haven’t noticed his number is in your phone_

_or have you_

 

_…………………_

_i can not believe you. we’re not friends_

 

_i just bought you lunch. we’re totally friends. soz._

 

_only because niall was at lunch with harry_

 

_EXCUSE ME!??!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?????!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

_invited him to pub after class on thursday. now the ball is in your court mate.  bring liam or don’t come at all._

 

_your boy will be there x_

 

louis looked up at his empty classroom wondering just what kind of school that zayn went to in order to make him an evil genius just like himself. he was in the middle of imagining a superhero school with zayn and him as a team of crimefighters when there was a knock at his door. he was on break. how dare they. 

“mr. tomlinson,” principal azoff peaked his head in louis’ classroom. “bakery delivery in the staff lounge for surviving the first 50 days of school, go treat yourself,” principal azoff winked and left the room. 

louis was not an idiot. you don’t not listen to principal azoff when he says there’s a delivery in the staff lounge. you listen and you listen good. 

however, when louis waltzed into the staff lounge he expected to see stacks on stacks of baked goods, he did not expect to see a mister harry styles holding said baked goods.

“louis?” harry’s eyes were much too green for the drab brown of the staff lounge. 

“harry?” louis repeated, “you work at a bakery in addition to teaching culinary classes for dumbies?” oh god that came out terrible. 

harry let out a hyena laugh and almost dropped the box of croissants. “i work at a bakery, i teach culinary classes, and i go to culinary school, yes,” he put the box down gingerly. “and i’m assuming this is where you teach?” harry looked at him with such rapt attention that louis began sweating. 

“yep,” louis grabbed the first baked item he could find, “10th grade english and drama.”

harry smiled, “wow drama too? i know irving was looking for someone qualified to take on the drama department. i’m not surprised it’s you.”

louis was full on sweating at that compliment, “you on a first name basis with my boss?”

harry giggled, “i work at the bakery that him and his wife stop at every morning, so yes, i am on a first name basis with your boss. don’t cause any trouble in my class mr. tomlinson.” harry winked at him. 

louis was having heart palpitations. a rush of teachers came in, making grabby hands at the baked goods. louis made fighting gestures at the women who just walked in, maintaining his eye contact with harry. 

harry shook his head giggling again before looking up at louis and mouthing “see you in class thursday”, slipping out of the room as if he were small enough to sneak out of anywhere. 

 

\----

 

fate didn’t like louis. not one little bit. because if fate did, fate would have told louis to not take out his contacts, or not to change into joggers and a sweatshirt. fate would have also told him to not go to this food store, where harry styles just so happened to be picking a quiche. which.  of course he would like quiche. and of course he would bump into louis while he was in the check-out line buying corn flakes because of course he would. 

“don’t you have a teacher who has taught you better than corn flakes?”

louis swallowed, “i do. a fit teacher who wears headscarves. but he clearly overestimates my budget.”

harry looked down at louis a deep frown starting to set. he cancelled louis’ self checkout order and picked up the cornflakes, milk, and basket of food louis had (which contained other things harry probably didn’t want to mention. read: potato chips). 

“what’s the budget?” harry’s long legs strolled them away from the self checkout, to which louis had no option but to hurry after him. 

“well it’s midweek and i should have gone shopping on sunday night not tonight. so, i’ll go with 20 and we can make it to sunday? i don’t really want to be on a different schedule. plus liam likes to be able to cook his food for the week on sunday nights and i like to have everything ready for the week too,” louis was rambling unhelpfully. 

“liam your roommate right?” harry turned down an aisle quickly and peered down at louis curiously. 

“yes liam is my roommate and yes i’m gay and single harry you don’t need to dig any further.”

harry blushed a bright shade of pink, “good to know.” 

louis followed harry’s long legs all around the store, ribbing him about his height, his heels, and his food choices all along the way. by the time they got back to the self checkout, louis felt like he could do this every week. 

“okay now, i bet you this entire thing will cost you 16 dollars and you’ll be able to actually eat real food. you’re welcome louis.”

“this is a lot of food and i don’t even know how to cook it. i do not know what you’re expecting from me.”

“i’m expecting you to learn in my class and pay attention louis. do you need to wear these glasses in class too?” harry just ribbed him back. louis was feeling faint. 

“i can see your butterflies and your swallows just fine from my seat in the classroom mr. styles,” louis winked as harry’s ears turned pink. harry in a pink hue was quickly becoming louis’ favorite look on him. 

“is that inappropriate? am i not dressing appropriate enough for my job?”

louis looked at the total cost of everything he rang up, 16.64 was the total cost. fucking harry styles. “i mean i’d be okay with you wearing less,” he answered absentmindedly. 

harry coughed into his fist, “looks like i was right about the cost. you’re welcome louis. i’ve increased your diet twice in two days. it’s been a pleasure.”

louis stuck his chin out indignantly, “you’re no hero harry styles. the baked goods were mediocre at best.”

harry guffawed as he checked out his items, “that’s a lie!”

“harry calm down we’re in public,” louis bit his lips to stop the smile that was threatening way out as harry stomped one foot.

“come on love, don’t have a strop about it,” louis moved closer to harry putting his hand on his elbow, “they were delicious baked goods. loved ‘em.”

harry paid for his food as he determinedly looked away from louis trying not to laugh, “you’re a terror, you know that?”

louis waited for harry to gather his things so they could walk to the lot together. “i may have been told that once or twice in my lifetime yes.”

harry giggled and looked away. louis admired the back of his neck and the bun he had expertly made. who was physically attracted to someone's neck and their ability to put their hair in a bun like that? louis tomlinson when it came to harry styles, that’s who. 

“so where are you parked?” harry asked shyly as they walked outside. 

“over there,” louis nodded his head to the far left of the parking lot. 

“oh, i’m parked over here so,” harry who was inches taller than louis still managed to somehow look up at him, “i guess i’ll see you tomorrow in class then.”

“I guess so harry. it’s been a pleasure shopping with you.”

harry bit his lip, “night lou.”

louis had to contain a squeal, “night harry. be safe getting to your car. i’ll come defend you if i have to.”

harry laughed, “goodnight louis.”

\-----

harry was wearing a black silk head scarf to go along with his pink and white polka dot shirt. louis was honestly going to die by the end of the night. 

louis caught harry’s eye smiling shyly at him before ducking his head and sitting next to zayn.

“is liam coming tonight?” zayn was wearing a beanie, a black t-shirt that was too loose and a leather jacket that was thrown across the back of his chair. 

“yes, and i can see you dressed the part.”

zayn’s nose crinkled when he smiled, “look good right?” 

niall slammed his head down on the table, “he tried on 14 different shirts, 8 different pants and 3 different beanies.”

louis stared at zayn, “my dear leemo is not worth all that stress. plus, i know he already likes you.”

zayn narrowed his eyes at louis, “how do you know?”

“well let’s see. let me compare stories with niall. niall, my dear friend,” louis turned around in his seat and looked toward niall who had his hands in his chin watching louis with an equally evil glint in his eyes. 

“yes, louis?”

“does this one go around texting so much that if you superglued his phone to his hand he wouldn’t notice?

“yes.”

“does this one also frequently get this moon eyed look on his face after most likely a snapchat selfie has been sent?”

niall barked out a laugh. “yes.”

“that is enough louis.”

louis was only getting louder, “does this one also run into various things such as tables, couches, and doors?”

niall was gripping onto his stomach he was laughing so hard, “yes.”

“i think your torture hour is over louis. play nice,” harry walked over to their desk with faint amusement. 

“fine mister styles. but you’ll hear the rest of it later,” louis winked. 

harry’s eyes widened into a panic, “okay class,” he introduced loudly, “tonight is dinner night. our very first four course meal. instead of giving you all the same ingredients and recipe, i’m going to let you pick from a different bowl each course. once you have the name of your course, there’s a booklet with all of the recipes in it right up here. you can trade if you want just to be fair. these recipes i have chosen are ones that are things you can whip up fast, or on a budget,” harry barely could conceal a smile, “or when you really want to take someone on a date. i also have enough copies of the book that each one of you will get it at the end of class. so let’s get started!”

louis and zayn’s four courses were essentially empanadas, kale salad, salmon, and strawberry shortcake. 

“who in the fuck knows how to cook these things? the answer is no one,” louis stared at zayn helplessly. 

“what does kale even taste like?”

“oh! you guys got the kale salad recipe? it’s one of my favorites!” harry peaked over their list of recipes. “that one is pretty simple, but the strawberry shortcake and the empanadas i’d start sooner rather than later.. both take about an hour if not more.” 

“this is fucking torture harry, what are you trying to do to us? we will never eat like this in our lives!”

harry looked so deeply offended, “these are healthy and affordable options! and they taste very good!”

“kale? you really want me to make a salad out of kale and eat it?”

“yes louis,” harry sounded exasperated, his eyes shifting around the classroom, “get to it boys. let me know if you need help.”

turns out, louis and zayn needed all the help they could get. zayn almost spilled various items out of the mixer multiple times, and louis struggled with kneading the dough for the empanadas. 

harry’s long deft fingers helped him knead over the dough more carefully and more forcefully, “you have to really get in there, put some back into a bit.”

if zayn wasn’t so frustrated by shortcake louis swore he would have laughed, “so basically i have to apply the rules of sex to kneading the dough?”

“i mean,” harry scrambled.

“got it mister styles,” louis winked, “we’re good for now. i think i can handle it.”

harry tripped on his way to niall, who was drizzling caramel on his dessert as if he were on an episode of top chef. 

“i don’t understand the fact that it’s him learning to cook well through osmosis. he’s just eating a lot and watching a lot of top chef and suddenly he’s chef niall, star student.”

louis looked back at zayn, who was currently covered in flour. a scowl covering his pretty face. 

“oi harry,” louis shouted,  “do you think we could get more paper towels?”

that wasn’t the first time. there was also, “harry, it says 3 teaspoons. isn’t that just a tablespoon?” 

and “harry, what’s the difference between condensed milk and milk?”

and “harry, what do you think about zayn’s outfit he think he needs to change again?” (the answer was he does need to change again, much to niall’s dismay).

and “harry, is it true that niall will get salmonella if i let him eat this batter?”

and “harry, did you go pick up this salmon fresh today? or do they keep fresh fish somewhere on campus for the culinary students like yourself?”

which led to “harry, do you buy these ingredients for us yourself?”

by the time class was over, louis had called over harry 17 times, not that louis was counting. but niall was keeping a very clear tab.

“i swear louis i almost killed you with the amount of questions for him, please remain calm in his presence tonight. please,” niall begged, “for my sanity.”

“whatever nandos,” louis remarked loudly, “it’s fucking cold, why are we waiting for them out here?” louis was shivering in his lighthouse t-shirt and jeans.

“harry told me he’d meet us here, he was acting real weird about it. wouldn’t let me wait for him. he can’t be too far behind and i don’t want to make him walk in by himself. it’s trivia night tonight. it’s going to be mad in there.”

“it’s trivia night?” zayn and louis whipped their heads to niall simultaneously.

niall’s eyes widened and he pointed wildly behind zayn’s head, “look liam is here!” 

louis saw zayn’s heart stop, and liam’s face turn into a puddle of absolute goo, “this is going to be the worst thing i’ve ever experienced in my life, isn’t it niall?”

niall just nodded, “yep.”

zayn walked up to liam, them already whispering about something. “hello liam. my roommate. lovely to see you here. i’ve only known you since my first day of uni. but it’s okay no problem.”

“shut up louis,” zayn and liam said together, then turned to each other as if they just made a miraculous discovery.

“they’re literally bonding over their disdain over me. should i be honored or insulted?”

“i’d go with insulted,” louis was beginning to become familiar with harry’s deep voice coming from behind him in the best way possible. 

“i’m insulted that you would hurt me this way ziam,” louis rolled his eyes at their lack of attention to him, their smiling in each others faces already annoying to him. he decided to turn around and look at harry instead. harry who looked like an angel laughing under the streetlight. 

“you just called them ziam to their faces and they didn’t even bat an eyelash. how long have they been together?”

“this is their first official outing,” louis rolled his eyes again, “they first met because of niall’s affinity for chinese takeout, but then re-met because of your class so, this is your work matchmaker.”

harry’s eyes softened, “that’s so romantic!”

louis scowled, “okay that’s it. let’s go, we’re going inside. ziam get out of each others faces please you need to relax,” louis barked at the group. 

niall led them through the masses to an open u-shaped booth in the back. 

“we’re just in time. shuffle in boys,” niall ushered everyone into the booth and sat on the end. “i’ll get us our materials.”

everyone looked at niall curiously, “niall, why does it seem like you’re an expert on this?” louis asked. 

“i need back up mates. do you think i asked you all here randomly?,” niall gave them an odd look, “why else would i allow liam and harry here to come? i don’t want to be the fifth wheel, i want to win.” 

louis sighed loudly, “we’re going to need at least two pitchers of beer to start off then.”

“now there’s the spirit!”

liam finally dismembered his body from zayn’s. “fifth wheel? but-” louis sat up a little straighter and gave liam the deadliest eyes that he could, “oh.” liam looked between louis and harry, “oh!” he paused looking at louis again, “this explains so much.”

harry quirked his head to the side, “um, i don’t think we’ve met. but i’m harry styles. i teach the class louis, zayn and niall are in.”

liam looked pointedly at louis unimpressed before reaching out and shaking harry’s hand, “i’m liam, lou’s roommate. nice to meet you mate.” 

“has louis been cooking well outside of class then?” louis kicked under the table hoping to reach liam across from him, however harry jumped up instead, laughing, “i’m going to guess that’s a no then lou.” 

louis was not blushing, “well liam just loves um, avocados. that’s what we bought right?” liam looked at louis in surprise mouthing ‘we bought?’ at him, “so he ate them all. and then we have to get chinese takeaway at least three times a week so he can see this one’s cheekbones.”

louis reached over harry to make grabby hands at zayn, his arm brushing the smooth expanse of harry’s chest. louis throat closed up slightly. 

niall slammed down 5 pints and 2 pitchers on the table, breaking up the heated exchange, “okay so we need a game plan. ed and his team are here. the girls who call themselves little mix are here. and those slimy little fucks from australia are here. i can not lose.”

louis dropped his arm. the four of them stared at niall. “niall...if everyone else has a team, who do you usually come with?”

“wait!” zayn pointed his finger at niall, “this is your monthly skype session with your father in ireland! you lied to me!”

niall laughed stressfully, rubbing his hands together, “yes. i come here once a month by myself and i try to win trivia. but i need you guys, i need to win. i am always losing by one point to ed’s team, and he already beats me on karaoke night-” 

“karaoke night?!” they all yelled simultaneously. 

“that’s my monthly massage,” niall pointed out to zayn helpfully, “so basically i need you and i need team spirit. and we need to win this for me and my dignity.” niall downed his entire pint of beer, “are you ready team?”

harry leaned into louis, “does this mean we also have to chug?”

louis picked up his drink, harry, zayn, and liam following in suit, while niall poured some more beer into his glass, “tonight men, we will fight, not just for niall and his dignity. but for the entire country of ireland. may the knowledge of the world be passed onto you through your cups. we will win this trivia game, and we will destroy all other competitors.”

“can we also go to karaoke night? that sounds fun,” harry chimed in.

louis got all soft around his edges, “yes harry we can also go to karaoke night next time too.”

niall lifted his glass, “to ireland! let’s win this bitch!” the boys cheered as they chugged their pints. 

“welcome to trivia night!” the announcer walked onto the makeshift stage, as niall ordered louis and harry to switch spots. niall wanted the order to be niall then louis then harry then zayn and then liam. he argued that louis was faster to lift up the whiteboard they had, which harry pouted and louis patted his thigh in encouragement. a waiter brought over 3 orders of nachos, and 2 orders of chips and salsa. everyone stared at niall. 

“alright this is broken down into 4 rounds tonight, 5 questions each. media and entertainment, sports, arts, and are you smarter than a ten year old. We’ve got 6 teams tonight.”

“shit we don’t have a team name,” niall’s eyes were quite frankly bulging out of his head. 

the spotlight fell on their table, “give it up for…”

they all looked to niall in desperation, “one direction!” harry yelled. 

“one direction!” the announcer repeated, “led by the craic daddy,” the table erupted in laughter,  “glad you got a team now mate.”

“why the fuck would you name your team the craic daddy?”

zayn was wiping his tears, “it was his aim profile name in middle school.” 

“can you pull that up immediately?” louis asked. 

“no he can not. pay attention team,” niall chided. 

“pull it up now,” louis demanded as zayn moved to pull out as his phone. 

“do not pull out your phone zayn javadd malik. we lose points for phones,” niall looked like he was about to murder. 

liam took his hand and covered zayn’s phone on his lap, “show me later.”  

“hands where i can see them liam!” louis all but shouted across the table. he turned to harry who was watching the whole thing like a deer in headlights, “where did you come up with one direction?”

harry shrugged, “we were all facing one direction in this booth. we were staring at niall.”

louis smirked, “clever boy.”

“it’s time ziam and larry. pay attention boys.”

“heeeeeeeeey,” harry’s voice sounded offended, but his eyes were fondly looking at louis. louis scooted closer to harry, their thighs touching. harry’s dimples were craters in his cheeks. 

“let’s start! in media and entertainment. who came first, backstreet boys or nsync?”

“nsync!” liam shouted.

“no! backstreet boys, so help me god louis write bsb and lift up the fucking board.”

louis didn’t need to be told twice, “fucking lime,” louis whispered.

zayn wrapped his hand around the back of liam’s neck soothingly, “it’s okay babe, you just don’t fuck with niall when it comes to boy bands.” 

“my sister used to play backstreet boys all the time and make me sing into a hairbrush with her,” harry piped up unnecessarily. 

“that’s cute love, are there any pictures?”

harry leaned into louis conspiratorially, “i don’t think we’re allowed to take out our phones.”

louis smiled wide, “later.”

by the end of round 1, both pitchers were empty. liam was practically in zayn’s lap, and louis’ hand was resting peacefully on harry’s thigh. they were tied for first place against ed with a perfect score solely because of niall’s knowledge of boybands, liam’s knowledge of law and order, and louis’ extreme knowledge of the xfactor. 

niall slammed 2 more pitchers down with 2 orders of wings. “my knowledge of sports is ireland. that’s where this gets hairy.”

“i’ve been to a basketball game once?” liam shrugged.

“i know my football mate, don’t worry. donny boy here,” louis nodded his head pleased with himself.

 harry reached over to smooth out the lines on niall’s forehead. “don’t worry niall we’ve got this.”

louis’ grip on harry’s thigh went a little higher. harry pulled away from niall immediately.

“handsy mr. tomlinson,” harry whispered in louis’ ear. 

“moving onto sports. the first question is, what is the only publicly owned sports franchise in the united states?”

niall slammed his hand against his forehead, muttering fuck loudly while harry shouted “i know this!”

louis was writing before harry was even finished, “trusting you love.”

“well well well, would you look at that? the only ones who got that correct was one 

direction. it was the green bay packers.”

the boys whooped and hollered. louis kissed harry’s cheek in the heat of the moment, both of them on fire, “proud of you babe.”

they shyly avoided each other’s gaze, “next question, Adolf Dassler founded which sports company in 1948?” 

“louis tomlinson, you could represent this company yourself. you better get this question correct!” liam was waving his finger in front of louis from his spot on zayn’s lap.

“addy-das?” louis whispered, while niall yelled at him to ‘fucking write it down you tit!’.

they got that one correct too. 

“one direction are up 2 to 1 for sports, let’s see how they handle this one,” the announcer

was practically glaring at niall, “which football coach compared his players to eggs in an omelette in september 2007?” 

“ha!” niall laughed, “jose maurinho, write that shit down mate. i forgot my knowledge also 

covers chelsea football. i’m obsessed with jose. i even wrote him a letter when i had surgery asking for him to bring me back to health.”

everyone side-eyed niall as zayn covered his face with his hands, “he really did. i had to proofread it for him before he sent it. he was going mad after the surgery when he was still on his painkillers. kept asking where jose was.”

harry barked out a laugh, which had louis in a fit of giggles. “i will gladly chug to niall’s obsession with ireland, football, and boybands.”

“lou, you have work tomorrow,” liam reminded him.

“zayn, make your boy drink. he needs to learn a lesson about being a lad.”

zayn mumbled something that sounded a lot like “not my boy” to which liam red as a tomato replied, “yet.”

niall, louis, and harry collectively groaned.

“next question please!” louis chirped loudly. 

they somehow managed to be one up from ed by the end of the end of the sports section due to liam’s brief stint in boxing, and zayn’s knowledge of the game of quidditch. 

“we’re going to take a break now. ten minutes. then we will be back for art and are you smarter than a ten year old.”

“i’m going out for a smoke,” zayn adjusted his beanie and shrugged his leather jacket back on.

“i’ll come with,” liam offered. 

“gotta piss mates, i’ll bring back more pitchers. keep your game faces on,” niall made the i’m watching you motion towards zayn and liam, “i’m watching you ziam. don’t fuck outside.”

zayn looked murderous. “you’re sleeping outside tonight.”

niall cackled all the way to the bathroom, while zayn and liam hurried towards the front of the bar.

and then there were two. 

harry’s space was already making louis warmer. “so,” they both turned to each other at the same time, and then giggled.

harry ducked his head shyly, “so how long have you lived with liam?”

louis smiled fondly, “well we met in uni as roommates, which was while you were probably still in college,” louis pinched harry’s cheek as harry batted him away, “i really don’t know why liam has stuck with me all this time. he hated me when we first roomed together. told me how i lived in filth.”

harry laughed, “am i going to need to teach you how to clean next?”

they were slowly getting closer and closer, louis could see how pink harry’s cheeks were from drinking, how bright green his eyes were, and could feel the warmth of his thigh pressed against his own. “hmm,” louis batted his eyelashes, “awfully domestic things you’re trying to teach me mr. styles. first you help me buy my groceries, now you want to help me clean my flat?”

harry’s eyes were sparkling, his smile entirely too big, and his face unbelievably close to louis’, “yep,” he drawled out the word popping the ‘p’. 

louis narrowed his eyes accusingly, but playfully,  “are you turned on right now by the idea of domesticity?”

harry giggled, the huffs of air brushing against louis’ face, “noooooooo.”

louis looked down, where harry was clearly lying, dear god, “you are!” louis’ nose was practically touching harry’s. 

“i’m not!” harry was laughing, entirely too smug. 

louis poked his chest, noses officially touching, “engagement, marriage, babies, long term relationship, matching tattoos.”

harry’s breath hitched and louis became very very aware of their mouths being centimeters apart, and neither of them laughing anymore. 

niall slammed down 2 more pitchers and another order of nachos, “oh.”

louis and harry jumped apart, adjusting themselves. “niall,” louis’ voice cracked. 

zayn and liam decided to return as well. niall nodded at their clasped hands, “interesting development.”

zayn rolled his eyes, “sit down niall, we’re about to start aren’t we?”

louis made eye contact with harry, who was staring at him with some sort of frog like stare; intense and biting his lip. he put his hand back on harry’s thigh. 

“and we’re back now for art, one direction is in the lead. so let’s begin.”

the art questions went in a blur; between zayn’s quick knowledge of all things art, liam’s wide eyed ‘i can’t believe you are so smart’ expression, and the flush that was growing on harry’s chest from louis’ hand high on his thigh. 

niall was practically vibrating with energy, “we’re tied with ed’s team. and i always lose on this section. i am not smarter than any ten year old. in fact, i barely remember primary school.”

harry cleared his throat, “i think we can do this boys.”

“harry you’ve emerged from your deep space of staring i see, nice to see you again mate,” louis swatted niall’s head.

“focus blondie, we’re trying to win you a game here.”

zayn snorted, “or make it to second base.” liam leaned into him giggling.

“oi, lovebirds. did you have a lovely romp outside or am i supposed to ignore the giant lovebite on liam’s neck?” louis shot back.

zayn threw the last of the chips at louis, harry defending him with his large hand. 

“with this round, since it is our hardest round, you will have one minute to complete each question. whoever gets the answer correct, gets 2 points. edward kittenhands and one direction are tied currently for first place,” the announced did a drumroll on his leg, “let the battle begin.”

“first question, what planet is closest to the sun?”

niall groaned loudly while liam shrugged, “‘m not very good at autonomy.”

“it’s mercury,” harry whispered to louis. “i used to have a telescope and astronomy kit as a kid.”

“liam sorry mate, you are absolute rubbish,” niall was shaking his head and rocking back and forth.

“2 points for ed and for one direction!” niall’s head snapped up, and he pointed to harry accusingly. “you!” harry smiled coyly, “you are smarter than a 10 year old aren’t you!”

“have you quite finished niall, we have a game to win here,” louis was razor focused, practically on the edge of his seat. they all were. tensions were way too high.

“question 2, what is the name of a badger’s home?”

“what the fuck kind of question is that shit? how the fuck am i going to know what a

badger is? are you fuckin-”

“zayn calm him down please,” louis shouted as niall got louder and louder.

liam was snapping his fingers and staring off into space, “leemo do you have it?”

“i know it’s not a den.”

louis stared at him, “well i very well can’t just write ‘not a den’ on the damn board liam!”

“sett!” harry clapped, “it’s a sett.”

“why do you know what badger’s home is called?”

“we had to write a paper about why they need to be protected or something. i just couldn’t think of the name right away,” harry tapped to his head as if he were storing all the information.

louis finished his sentence for him. “memory like a steel trap apparently babe.” harry blushed at the compliment. 

the next question was a math question. 

they all got it wrong. 

“i was told there would be no maths,” harry pouted.

“oh fuck, ed got that one right. we need to get the next two correct. and he needs to get one wrong,” niall was pulling his hair out.

“we’ve got this niall,” harry pet niall’s hair, causing louis to grip his thigh high and tight. 

“next question is, what number, one through 20, is the same in english and in french?”

“ed knows french, fuck he knows french,” niall cried.

“ni, you know french you dumbass! you can speak four languages!” zayn reached across the table and bopped niall on the head.

niall shook his head, “six. it’s six.”

“last question. one direction is down by one point-”

“like always,” someone yelled from the back. louis had to physically pull niall back down into his seat. 

“anyway,” the announcer continued, “our last question. what is poetry called when words are written to form a shape?”

each of their heads whipped to zayn, who smiled cooly, “concrete. vas happening lads?!”

they all waited in bated breath as louis held up their board. 

“and they both got it right!” everyone in the bar groaned, “looks like we’re going into,” he paused dramatically, “sudden death. this is one question. whoever gets it right first wins, there’s literally no way you will both get it right. okay. here it is,” the announcer opened a bright pink envelope, “at which film festival does the best picture receive the golden bear award?”

the boys blanched. “well it’s been good mates. we had a great run,” niall started his speech.

“berlin,” harry whispered inaudibly.

“what was that harry? speak up love,” louis leaned in close, harry’s curls brushing his cheek. 

“berlin,” harry whispered to louis, “it’s berlin.”

louis wrote down the answer quickly, holding up the sign yelling, “we’ve got it we’ve got it!”

zayn, liam, and niall jumped up as if on instinct, “we’ve got it!”

the announcer looked at the board, looked back at his envelope, then back at the board again, and then back at ed’s team who were wide eyed and scrambling, then back at the board, then back at his envelope. “you are correct,” they all jumped up cheering, “one direction won.”

“fuck yes that’s the craic fuck you all!” niall gave the finger to the entire bar, while pulling the boys into a group hug, them all bouncing and shouting as loud as they could. 

niall broke up the group hug, grabbing them each one at a time by the face, kissing them too close to the mouth for it to be not purposeful. “this is the greatest day of my life!”

zayn and liam kissed gleefully, while louis found harry’s arms instinctively. 

“we did it!” louis squealed as harry picked him up spinning him around. when he finally put him down, their eyes locked, faces so close together smiles wide; time stopped. they stood there wrapped in each other’s arms as they stared at one another, breathing in each other's air, waiting and waiting for one to make the slightest of movements forward. ‘this is it, this is it’ louis chanted in his head, ‘kiss me you fool’, until niall slapped them both hard on the back. 

“group picture lads! we get to go on the wall!” niall whooped loudly. 

louis and harry pulled away quickly, going to the makeshift stage for their picture avoiding all eye contact and blushing wildly. 

niall lounged front and center in a sexy pose, while louis decided that wasn’t good enough, tackling him, liam joining in and then harry on top. they rolled around a bit cackling loudly, while zayn just grabbed niall’s forehead, kissing him. the announcer snapped that as their picture as the bar yelled at them to get off the stage. 

they all stood up brushing themselves off still laughing loudly. ed came up to their group hugging niall, “that was awesome mate! you guys did great!” ed nodded to the rest of the group, “you’re going to come for karaoke night right?” 

“yes of course!” niall spoke for all of them (no one complained), “we will see you there don’t worry. we’ll beat ya again ed!” 

ed hugged niall again patting him on the back, “you wish!” he yelled before walking away. 

niall whipped his head to harry once ed was out of earshot, “how did you know the thing about berlin?”

harry shrugged, “i like bears.”

niall forcefully wrapped his arm around harry, “we’re keeping him for every trivia night ever. louis and liam, you’re useless. zayn, you are okay. harry here though.”

“i think it’s all of us together as a team,” louis scoffed and then smiled sweetly, “but harry is our star for the night, yes niall.”

liam put his arm around louis, “think it’s time to head home mate. we both have work early in the morning.” 

louis looked toward harry for any kind of signal of not wanting to leave either.

 “um, yeah i have work early at the bakery tomorrow,” harry replied uneasily, shifting from toe to toe. 

louis’ face fell and he looked at the time, “it is very late lads. i guess we should go home now. retire as champions then.”

niall cackled, “we’re not retiring. we’ll be here next month where we can win again.”

zayn grabbed liam’s hand leading them all towards the exit, “plus we have karaoke. i’m looking forward to that. i’m sure you’re a great singer babe.”

louis pulled on liam, “excuse me please do not call my roommate babe while his arm is around my shoulder,” louis looked down, “are you holding his hand?!”

zayn laughed loudly shoving his and liam’s clasped hands in louis’ face. 

the cold air hit them, louis pulling away from zayn and liam. 

he hugged zayn, “see you later man. just hopefully not in liam’s room.” louis turned around to ask harry if he needed a lift, hopes so very high, but his stomach dropped. harry was already gone.

louis looked around, peeking behind niall, “where did harry go?”

niall met louis’ eyes sadly, “practically ran out of here while you were yapping on about ziam holding hands.”

louis heart hammered, “he did? what did he say?”

“he just said he had to go immediately, that’s all. then he like, ran. like a baby gazelle running away from a herd of buffalos.”

“that analogy doesn’t make sense but okay,” louis mind raced. what did he do wrong? did he take it too far? 

louis turned to where liam and zayn were smiling sweetly in each other’s mouths and he pretended to vomit, “liam i need you to drive me to my car on campus, let’s go home!”

louis was half drunk, half asleep after the excitement, and a whole lot of sad. 

he rested his head on the window when they got in the car, feeling liam glance at him before liam spoke up softly, “harry seemed nice.”

louis grunted. 

“i’m sure something came up. maybe you should text him, lou. he really seem interested in you,” liam glanced over at louis as he shrugged. 

“i know you louis, do not mope about this all week.”

\----

louis did not text harry. and louis did not not mope all week. 

he also didn’t have any coincidental run ins with harry. so there was that. 

\----

louis wanted to make the last night special. he thought about harry’s obvious interest in him over in over. it haunted him in the classroom, in the staff lounge, in the street where he saw a kitten, in the grocery store, in the shower, in his bed. the texts from niall (‘he stared at you like a creepy frog ready to mate’) and zayn (‘just go for it’) and the overwhelmingly eager support from liam (‘do something romantic and creative’) didn’t help. but he made a plan. he was going to woo harry styles. the last night of class he would know for sure how harry felt about him. no drinks, no trivia, no craic daddy, no bar. just the cooking class. 

 however, louis’ day that day resulted in the worst girl fight he had seen in his life (which he broke up himself), and then a 2 hour meeting with the parents of said girls and mr. azoff, who was just as generally displeased as louis was during the entirety of the meeting. apparently the parents’ of the two girls were more or less long term enemies of mr. azoff and he planned on kicking them out of the school before this incident. poor eleanor griffiths and branini magee (NOT). 

so not only was louis late, he was mad, and he didn’t even have time to go home and change so he was still in his work clothes. to make matters worse when he rushed through the door with an apology, harry barely met his gaze and dismissed him with a nod. 

it also didn’t help that zayn was buzzing with energy and was about near ready to chop off louis’ hand in nervousness. 

“liam is coming over tonight.  do i look okay? what should i cook? should i cook? should i just order chinese louis? do i have sex with him? louis!” zayn snapped louis out from his daze at the back of harry’s head. harry had not come over once in the entire 20 minutes louis had been in class, and didn’t even look in their direction. 

“liam would love everything, i’m pretty sure. he thinks sun shines out of your ass,” louis glanced back at harry, “what’s up with him? is he ignoring me?”

“i don’t know. wait louis sto-” louis wasn’t planning on the day getting worse. but apparently almost causing a stove fire was part of his awful day. flames burst in front of louis’ face and then died down immediately. he or zayn did not scream. they didn’t. 

harry rushed over, “what happened? are you okay?” harry searched both of them for any signs of burning. louis stared helplessly at the stove in front of him; he almost scorched his own eyebrows off. 

“‘m alright. louis just did something backwards i dunno man, i’m sorry,” zayn was shrugging so much that it looked like flailing. 

harry nodded his lips pursed, “are you alright louis?” harry reached out to touch louis’ arm but pulled away at the last second. 

“yeah pal,” both he and harry winced, “i’m alright. class is about learning innit? sometimes you make mistakes.”

harry swallowed and stood up a little straighter, “okay,” his voice was strained, “niall, since your dinner is in the oven why don’t you come help them get sorted?”

niall stared at them, nervous laughter erupting. “thanks niall,” harry rushed away.

“there’s so much stress in this room,” niall was still laughing, his face red and nervous. 

they worked silently. niall divided up their jobs, checking up on his food every so often.  no one uttered a word. by the time both meals were done none of them had even cracked a smile.  by the time class was up, louis looked back at harry who was chatting animatedly with an older guy in the class, and then left soundlessly. 

 

\----

_mate, you left before i could tell you.. i have my gallery opening on saturday night. you should come.  don’t mope. i think something got lost in translation. pls come mate i want you there. you’re my friend._

 

_don’t make me cry malik_

 

_wouldn’t dare tommo, just come._

 

\---

 

louis contemplated texting harry 37 times between friday and saturday. 

“louis!” liam slammed the door behind him, running towards the bathroom, “i’m jumping in the shower, we’re leaving for zayn’s gallery opening in 30 minutes!” 

louis rolled over in the bed, “no.”

liam skidded to a halt and backtracked to louis’ room, “get up tommo. you’re going. that’s it. no arguing. you’re being a baby. harry likes you. this is about your friend zayn. he told you how much he wanted you there. let’s go.”

louis narrowed his eyes at liam, “i don’t like when you go all daddy liam on me.”

liam smiled so very sweetly, eyes crinkling, before running towards the bathroom again, “you have to dress your best! wear suspenders!”

louis obeyed. he even styled his hair into what liam always dubbed his ‘cinnamon roll’ hair while drunkenly petting it. 

they were greeted at the gallery by niall in a dress shirt as soon as they walked in. it was very surprising. 

“wow look at you niall my boy. you look like a man,” louis nitpicked niall’s hair as if he were a mother talking about her son growing up. 

niall swatted louis’ hands away. “zayn’s been waiting for you liam. smoked at least 3 cigarettes in his fit of nerves. wants you to see something.”

louis spotted zayn coming around the corner and pat liam on the back, giving them a moment. 

louis wandered through the gallery, strolling and trying to find zayn’s work. he stopped at a particular piece curiously. it was a penis. it had to be a painting of a penis.

“i’m pretty sure it’s a penis,” harry’s voice thrummed in louis’ ears. he turned around slowly.

“sure looks like a penis,” louis nodded, turning back to the piece.

harry took the space next to him, “are we just going to talk and stare at the penis then?”

louis shrugged, eyes not moving from the painting. they stared at it together, louis analyzed the brush strokes closely, not concentrating on the heat of harry’s body swaying slowly towards him. their arms almost brushing. 

“i wanted to kiss you at the bar,” harry’s voice was way too deep. louis’ knees felt like buckling, but harry plowed on, “so i kind of ran out before that could happen.”

“why?” louis didn’t break eye contact with the painting, neither did harry.

“the class you were taking wasn’t just a class for you. i was being graded on my performance as a teacher and my curriculum so to speak. basically everything in the class i was graded on by someone who was taking the class. but i didn’t know who was grading me. so i wanted to keep my distance from you because i didn’t want someone grading me knowing that i was canoodling with my students.”

the resolve both of them had broke, and they turned to each other laughing. 

“really harry? canoodling?” louis body basically flirtily formed an ‘s’ as harry’s eyes sparkled. 

“i knew that if i kissed you in that bar,” louis wasn’t laughing anymore, “i wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you ever again.”

louis gulped as harry took a step even closer to him. 

“do you think we can move this to somewhere where there’s not an abstract painting of a penis next to us?”

louis grabbed harry’s arm, leading them all around the gallery where they laughed at different meanings for people, sculptures, paintings and videos. 

by the time they got to zayn’s space in the gallery they were practically glowing. 

louis was impressed. the entire space was spray painted, but there were black and white photos strewn about. it was messy but clean, just like zayn. 

“this is amazing zayn,” louis pulled zayn away from liam. 

“thanks bro. looks like it worked out eh?” zayn smirked. 

louis shoved him then threatened to mess up his hair. zayn hid behind liam. 

niall brought over mini cheeses and champagne as the five of them laughed and generally caused a ruckus. 

by the time everyone gathered to leave outside, harry pulled louis aside, gently. 

“louis i was wondering,” harry started, lip sucked in between his teeth. 

louis’ eyes widened. oh, god. harry was going to ask him on a date. oh dear god. this wasn’t the plan. harry couldn’t ask him before he asked him. not after everything louis had planned before. no way in hell. 

“no!” louis all but shouted in his face.

“no?” harry’s face fell, “i’m sorry? i don’t?”

“no,” louis clarified, oh god.

harry started backing away, rambling, “i must have,”

shit. shit. abort. abort. “no, no, no,” louis reached out to stop harry from moving.

“five no’s. i do get it now. thank you for all five louis. i’m a little confused though,” harry’s eyebrows were furrowed deeply, and his eyes were fixed on the floor. 

shit. fuck. damnit. “yes!” louis blurted.

“yes, i understand all five no’s mean no,” harry moved to turn around and go back to the group. 

“oh for god’s sake harold!,” louis threw his hands up, grabbing harry’s face to bring him back, “meet me at my house tomorrow. the address is 8 sparrow drive. apartment 78. wear the black silk headscarf and your best jeans. and don’t forget a bottle of wine.”

harry stared at him with that frog stare. 

“5 o’clock. don’t be late!” louis pulled harry down, kissing his cheek quickly before swatting at his bum. “see you then babe!” louis ran to grab liam to leave. his dramatic exit was complete. date settled. harry styles would be wooed just like his original plan. 

 

\---

louis’ doorbell rang at exactly 4:59 p.m. he looked down at his outfit to make sure he matched (white tee check, black jeans check) then shuffled to the door. 

harry stood there in his blue jeans (!!!!!!), brown tetris sweater, and black headscarf just as louis asked. his smile was unbelievably sweet. 

“hiii,” harry drawled. 

louis smiled, “hello harry. welcome to the amazing flat, come in. make yourself feel at home. you can put the wine bottle on the table. i just have to grab the food from the kitchen.” 

louis jogged into the kitchen, and returned with the steaming tray just as harry put down the bottle of wine on the table. 

harry stilled. 

louis put the tray down, and started opening up the bottle of wine. the table was already ready to go, wine glasses included. 

“wait,” harry waved an arm wildly at the food and the made table (with tablecloth!!), “you cooked for me?”

louis poured wine into their glasses, “yeah, i found the recipe online and it looked really good. it’s chicken wrapped with parma ham with a side of homemade mash. well, the mash is me mom’s recipe.”

louis put the glasses down and looked up to find harry staring at him, unmoving. 

“um, harold?” his gaze was intense, “are you okay?”

“no one else is here? no one helped you? not even niall?” harry took a step crowding louis into the table. his bum dug into the edge. 

“um, no? i did it myself. is-”

harry cut him off, “that is so hot.” harry pressed in towards louis, nosing into the heat at the crook of his neck, “please let me suck your cock.”

louis froze as harry made grabby hands at his zipper. his heart was racing, his entire body completely on fire. louis needed a second to breathe. 

“wait, wait,” louis yanked harry’s hair to get him back to eye level. that’s all he wanted to do. look at him in the face while they had their first kiss. except harry’s eyes rolled back he let out a moan that went straight to louis’ dick.  they both froze. 

“oops,” harry giggled. 

“hi,” louis laughed softly placing his forehead against harry’s. “i would love for you to put your mouth on my penis. and i would definitely like to explore the little hair thing you’ve got going on,” louis played with the ends of harry’s hair as harry sighed, the air hitting louis’ face, “but first, i would very much like to kiss you,” harry leaned in ever so slightly, his dimples cratering again,  “and then you’re going to sit at this table. tell me all about your family and growing up and anything else you could possibly think to tell me, while you eat the delicious meal that i made you. all by myself,” louis punctuated as harry giggled again; louis could feel the heat of his body on every inch of him, “and then i can bend you over that table and we can work something out and make this a little more mutual,” harry shivered. “that sound like a deal?”

“how i could not agree to a deal like that?” he smiled, his voice sweet as honey.

“you can’t,” louis’ smile mirrored harry’s as he pressed into him more, leaning in. 

harry met him in the middle. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr @ yoursongonmyheart


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